Office Politics

It was pretty ironic. Just days back, I found Voncoholic.

Been years since I penned my last thoughts and I used to need to write so much - you sort of know it when you just have thoughts around in you that you need to spill out.

Last few years of silence has been a bliss. 

After the divorce, I dated, and then around 3 years ago, he proposed, and 2 years ago, we settled down into marriage. so these were my life milestones:

2012 - Divorce

2013 - Proposed

2014 - Married

2015 - New Job

2016 - New Home

2017 - New Job 

And yes, I am still in the first month of my new role in and I am admittedly struggling.

This happened due to a merger between the company I was working for and the other company.

Oh well, I guess life was too good in the last few years that it is time to be thrown some shitty stuff to blend into the 'ups and downs' of life.

So instead of throwing the white cloth, I have to F**king stand up to the SHYTE and say 'C'MON!!!'

argh, ok, it suck but if a friend is complaining to me, I will tell her:

Hey, this is normal, office politics is everywhere. 

we just need to know how to manage it, and stay out of it if its not your thang.

moreover, its a new environment, you can do it.

****Breathe in, breathe out...****

So, what exactly is office politics? 

Oh well, this term has nothing to do with the company itself like how the word could be related to. On the contrary, it is deeply established by individuals in the company. Yes, people.

These people, play up, behaved and do little things to establish a cause they want to support. And this is often linked to a negative connotation. It creates a less than desirable environment, and makes people like me suffer.

I started to give this a good thought the last few days and I come to realise, that as children, as students, we were already facing this.. but we came out of it anyway isn't it?

As adults, shouldn't we be stronger and smarter?

But then again, if this creating a negative environment, why are people doing it? Big grown ups still cannot think properly???

Ok, so here is why:

- Power hierarchy - 

Since the birth of civilisation, men has been thirsty for power. So how can we expect anything less in a company?

- Monetary Gains - 

Why do we work in the first place? If your answer is 'Passion', please f**k the hell outta here. You do not belong here. In actual fact, it is all for money, for livelihood. But how do we get more? Yes, to climb up the corporate ladder where the higher you get, the more money thou shall be given. 

And it goes, how do people get there? Not much choices other than plotting and strategising.

So as an employee, you either stay out and be a low profile commoner so you get too harmless to be noticed and be plotted against, OR get your hands dirty and get a chance at the throne.

Me, being me, I hate politics in any form. BUT, how do i then make office politics work for people like me??

Gathering Information

Yes, information is KING. So WHO are the key people? The decision makers, the gate keepers, the respected.. time to observe.

Cliques

Who mixes with who? Is there conflicts between whom and whom.. where are the cliques? Open your eyes, and you will know I m sure. 

Build relationships

Make friends, not foe. Do not need to be afraid of powerful people. They are humans too. Of course, the relationship building goes into every level, across functions. Be genuine, not fake. People can tell when you are fake! 

Well, at the end of the day, I still strongly believe that humans are kind in nature. We should do no harm.. and if one day, one is to rose to the throne, it has to be based on true efforts and the role has to be supported through the recognition from people around. 

Love Life, be happy - even at work. Lets see if it works out. else, **middle finger** and I am gone.

When Separation no longer involves just 2 person

Not all marriages work out the way fairytales made them out to be.

No one enters a marriage with the intention to leave ultimately.

No one doesnt want a complete family.

However, in the realistic world, it is always the simple things in life that are extremely hard to achieve - it is not easy to understand.. but for those who yearns for them like me, I wondered what price have they paid.

Having married for a whopping 10 years, it doesnt seem too long a time, but it is not too short a time as well. Yet to reach the 30th mark, 10 years stands up more than one-third of my life. And it has come to a point where I have decided to take another step forward, to move out of a marriage that I have tried to sustain for the past 10 years.

In the course of the 10 years, it hadnt been a smooth journey. The needs changes, the wants changes, the environment changes and with each remarkable experience, people change.

It has come to a point for me to admit that the differences between him and myself are too great to give birth to real happiness. And the white towel is thrown out this time, and I know I wont take it back. In a huff, the decision to move out was made.

The decision to live apart is so easy.

But, the decision doesnt just change the lives of the 2 person that got married. It actually involves the children as well. In fact, it will affect them more adversely than the real parties.

I was more than naive to think that hiding the truth from them is the best way to protect them.

In a short span of time, my little precious changed.

Sitting down with him on a few occassions, listening to him.. it is a wonder how a 5 year old's mind's think.

Spewed with innocence, and relying on the adults for support.. it is like an end to his little life.

My little precious has become extremely short tempered, emotional and temperamental.

He told me one late night when I was tucking him to bed, anger just spawned on him when he was on the verge to slipping into dreamland:

'Mommy, I wanna quit!'
'Quit what?'
'Quit school! I hate school! I hate everyone!'
'Why do you say that, darling?'
'I dun care! I just wanna quit! I wanna quit everything! I wanna quit my life!'
'Quit your life?'
'U dunno? Quit my life means I want to die! I just want to die!!!'

Wails of cries followed his rantings.. My heart was smashed.

On another ocassion, the little one told me:

'Mommy, I dunno why everyone likes to scold me and punish me. I m always in the wrong. But I dunno what I did wrong.'

The most recent one sent me to the brink of tears when I was talking to him over something that he did wrong. He got suddenly provoked when someone came to add on another act of mischief.

'Why dun u just beat me? I will forever be a naughty boy. Just beat. No need to give me any more chances. Just beat. beat finish you can go.'

There have to be ways to better handle them. And all I m asking for is for the adults that play a part in the innocent little lives to cool down and think.. and handle the situation the best way possible.

*****

When things go wrong in a marriage it is often wondered if the couple involved should stay together for the children. The fact of the matter is that it's not the separation that does the most damage, it's the living in a war zone that affects the kids. Nobody wants to live in a world that swings from stony silence to screaming fits and back again. Even if it's not that extreme children can sense when things aren't as they should be and may even wonder if it's something they've done.


During divorce proceedings try to make sure the children know what is going on. Explain it in terms they can understand. They need to know how they will be affected and reassured that you will do your best to keep their lives as unchanged as possible. Try to avoid a situation where they will have to leave their school and friends at the same time as seeing their parents separate.




They should be reassured that the changes going on are due to nothing they have done. Many children wonder if they are to blame and it can take a lot of repeating to actually get it through to them that their parents can no longer stay together because of how the parents feel and not because they've done or said something to cause the rift.



One of the worst thing that can happen to a child during the divorce process is to find themselves torn between the two parents wondering if they should be siding with one or the other. Never confide in your child no matter how old they are. Find an understanding friend to share your troubles with. Your child needs to be able to freely love both parents.



Schools and other organisations that the children attend can help keep you informed about any changes in their behaviour and can be a great source of information on how the children are coping with the changes. They may feel the need to hide their emotions at home as you seem to have enough on your plate. Keep the teachers up to date with what is going on in their family lives. There is no shame in divorce these days - around 1 in 3 children will go through their parents' separation.



When the other parent is not prepared to be fair about arrangements for whatever reason, it is important that the other doesn't start having a moan to the children. If one doesn't turn up for visits or doesn't allow visits to happen just explain that you don't agree with what they are doing but you will just need to make the best of it. Don't play tit for tat - it is the children that get caught in the middle and nobody will ever win this game.



Rarely is shared custody awarded to parents these days so there will be just the one principle carer. Children need to know, however, that both parents still want to be a part of their lives. For the person who does not have principle care it is important that your children know your home is theirs too. Make a space fro their belongings to stay for when they visit.



When a parent enters a new relationship it can be quite disconcerting for the children. They may feel guilty about liking this new person and feel like they are being disloyal to the other parent. Once a new relationship is established try introducing the new partner as a friend to begin with. The relationship in the eyes of the children can be changed once the children have had a chance to make up their own mind about the new person in their lives.



The children will also want both parents to be involved in the important events in their lives from nativity plays to exam results. If you are the principle carer make sure the other parent knows about these events and how to get tickets or what date results are due so they can also make the effort to be there. At the end of the day, even though your marriage has ended and the divorce has come through, you are in a partnership for life as two parents for each child born out of that marriage.

The feeling of having no more feelings

It felt familiar.
The feeling of being dead somewhere deep down.
I couldnt remember when was it, how long ago or what happened.

This feeling of numbness felt good cause u no longer pin any small little hopes anymore.
In a whole of your own, somewhere inside, u know, that you wont feel pain for the situation anymore.

It is the spirit of giving in to circumstances and losing the will to overcome it.

Now I remembered.

I felt the same way when I decided not to pin anymore hope on my mother.
I decided to let things be, to let her be, to let her move on her life with her new-found family, her new husband and her new son. It felt good cause I know that I will stop having anymore expectations from her.

My mother has been one of the most crucial person in my life.
She was the one I cant bear to leave and cried the moment she left for work in the morning. I miss her the monent she is not by my side.
She was the one I allow time to pass by during the day so that I can see her after her work.
I need only one thing from her - her presence.
She can nap for one hour after she came back, she can do her sewing, she can watch her TV.
But as long as she is around, I felt safe, I felt secured.

Nothing remains unchanged and so were our lives.
I felt the same numbness when I saw how hard she was trying with her new-found family and I decided to stop trying - 10 years after her new marriage. I knew she has to sustain what she has started and I felt like a hindrance in her feat.

I believed she felt the same numbness when she left her ex boyfriend of seven years.

Now, there it is again.

Ten years later.
I know myself so well. I know there will not be any turning back and nothing will be changed.
I know I have given up and I will not ever try to make it work again.
I have forgiven the situation and on the route of forgiving the person involved.
I have come to see that life is not always happening and revolving around what you want.


This is a good time to have a 2nd, if not 3rd try to move on with a new phase of my life to pursue what I wanted. I need to make a list of what I want to do.

Life is a hard journey, and I have experienced it well enough to comment on that statement.

But life still moves on and I hope that people will come to respect my decision.
I m not giving in to destiny yet.
I m on another route to the pursuit of happiness.

Memories

Loads of people often tell me that it is a waste of money to bring children for expensive holidays, cause they will not be able to remember anything.

But I beg to differ.

At my already maturing age, which is ahem, 28, I often have snap flashes of my childhood, and the wierd part is, I can vividly remember how I was feeling.

The moments were not neccessarily vavavoom and super significant of cause.

I remembered waking up from a nap, saw 2 balloons and struggling to grab the both of them before sitting satisfyingly in a corner to play with them.

I remembered getting scolded very badly for one of my birthdays in a strange house and feeling very frightened. i remembered that the cake was white with peanuts at the side.

I remembered the sweet face of my dear ah ma when she was picking out the bean sprouts from the fried bee hoon that we bought from the market cause i hate the taste of it.

I remembered feeling super crazily sad that my mom was heading to work sneakily and was found out. I remembered crying out loud for her to come back while she trotted madly away along the corridor.

I remembered witnessing all the painful things that happened at ah ma's house, so much so that sometimes, i still dream of them in my sleep, even though my grandparents do not stay there anymore.

I believed that all these happened when i was not even 4 or 5 years old.



I want my little ones to have good memories.

I strongly believed that even if they cant remember what happened, they can remember the feelings that they went through

I want the lil ones to be reminded of all the good memories in their childhood.
And I want them to remember me the way I remember ah ma - sweet.

Updates

Time can't help but flies isn't it?

I realised that the last update was made in 2008, Nov.. my mom's birthday!

In a span of a year, much has changed.

• Academic

While I was at the start of a huge struggle with time and sleep in 2008. I managed to scrape through alive. For anyone who is contemplating on furthering their studies, I would say: just do it! The beginning of something only looks forward to the ending. If someone like me who cant manage her time well, who needs her sleep like a baby needs her milk, who is born with lazy blood can do it, what's stopping u?

• Children

Evy and Ethan have grown further. He is turning 5 and she is turning 9. And I m loving them more each day. Their monstrous yellings in the morning (when i m sleeping) which used to make me wanna pull my hair out is slowly sounding like a chirpy alarm. I m thankful for the mornings that they are with me somewhere in the house, in the comfort of my bed.

• Emotions

Thou time flies, much high and low emotions have been experienced in this span of time. Emotions can now be much better suppressed - maybe that's a part of growing up huh? Thou I appreciate the beauty of life, the experience of feeling pain is still very undesirable.

• Friends

Friends have always been a gift for me, throughout my life. i m blessed with beautiful friends all this time round. From Kindergarten friends to Primary.. Secondary.. Poly and work, the dear ones are always there, in good and bad times.

One of my best pals, Peiling, has gotten married and very much pregnant now. Rachel, the other one, has just given birth to a beautiful girl. =) sweet. welcome to the gang.

• Life and Love

I m still loving every bit of life - the goodies and the baddies. The baddies helped to make the goodies look damn good. A job tht makes me complain about only helps to make my weekends so beautiful. The fatique that I felt on a Saturday only shows that I have unwind with friends on a Friday night over a game of mahjong or a night of binge drinking.

The perception of love is still unchanged - it is unconditional.

A Happy Birthday to my Mama!!

(Please hum it in accordance to the infamous tune of the Happy Birthday song)

Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to Mummy..
Happy Birthday to you!!!

(Imagine me, Eddy, Evy and Ethan offering a good round of hugs and kissings and clappings)


The above is the result of the following :

• Improvements in the technology world by leaps and bounds
• Increasing commitments and responsibilities (face to face meetings rare)
• The love for my mother

*****************************************************************************************************************

My Momsie

Name : My mother - Ang Lay Lian alias Ah Mei (Mei as in younger sister)

Birthdate : 1964 November 10 - Year of the Dragon

Horoscope : Scorpio

Siblings : 6 siblings, and she is child #6

Character

For those who do not believe in Zodiacs and horoscope.. well, you will, after you know my mama. She definitely lives up to her star sign man.

My mom

1. is as mild tempered as the DRAGON. In the days when you cannot pick a gun and shoot someone down as desired anymore, she picks up her weapon pen to pin anyone down that she finds a pain the neck, in the form of snail mails, emails and wadsoever. she just neva let things off.
2. is as merciful as a Scorpion. She will only make you lose your job if are rude to her, slammed by your boss if you make a mistake and make me feel like sleeping in a coffin when I lie to her.

Although the above sounds like they are negative traits.. they are in fact subtle positive traits. During boh bian times, she blows her fire and stings whoever that threatens her loved one - the only fact is that she has quite a number of loved ones, so it always appear like she is blowing her fire and stinging non-stop. (sounds scary huh?)

The lovely side

I m so proud of you, MAMA!!! She can endure hardship, as good as those who went through WWII. She is resilient against tough situations. She is smart and hardworking. She is selfless to those she loves. She has a good listening ear.. that is why everyone loves to call her to complain.. she is an all rounder. She can be tough as a man when she needs to be, and submission as a Japanese wife when required. What more can we ask for?

Sweet 44

44 years of life she has went through and I feel that she has done so well. There are many phases of life that she has walked through and she deserves more than most mothers do.

Beautiful Wishes

I hope that in the coming years, my mom is able to reap what she has sowed. The coming phases of her life is nothing but happiness and laughters and all things good. I hope she is always well rested, healthy and loved.

My gifts for her

Tangible gifts

• The two angels which are also called her grandchildren - They love her as much as I do

Intangible gifts

I have finally understand the meaning of intangible gifts. They are actually far more precious than the ones that can be seen and touched.

• A promise to my momsie that I will be as strong as she is
• I will love life and raise my 2 angels to 2 useful beings, good for society

***************************************************************************************************************

Happy Birthday to you Mama.

***************************************************************************************************************

Back to school

Mom warned : It is gonna be tough. Rest while you can. If u need help with the kids at any time, ring me.. blah blah blah

Rachel warned : You will have NO life!

The warnings were shrugged off with a smug remark : Can one la.. what's so difficult?? 2,3 times a week nia...

I wished I could take those words back. I m heading for depression man.

3 gruesome weeks has passed and the cruelty of the demanding assignments set in. Time is a precious element, I realised.

Spending 3 hours after 7pm in a class of non-stop chantings of 'I dunno wad the F**K are you talking about' is no joke. Worst of it all, you have to pretend that all is well understood, just like the rest of the class. Painful.

2-3 times a week, I'll faithfully walk my 20 mins walk to the temple-in-disguise marketing school with a well groomed monk waiting to do his thing - chant his chant. #$%^&* To think i paid him more than 10 grand. Pui.

With the evenings burnt, there is barely enough time for re-charging. Ya.. my mom's warning has turned to a reality : It is indeed tough and the word 'rest' is a taboo.

I miss the bed, I miss Ethan's and Evy's complaints. I get dissappointed and helpless when I get home to a dark living room which meant that they are already in bed, I get agitated when I didn't get a good night's rest cause it ll mean a torturing 24 hours ahead. I feel washed out and I give meeting friends a pass cause I d rather spend my limited free time with the family... Rachel is right : YOU WILL HAVE NO LIFE.

no life... no life.. no life...

This is so wrong.. Before I start to weep and lose myself. I have to pick myself up.


I should be glad that :

• I have the golden opportunity to decipher the monk's chants
• I can learn to do time management
• I appreciate the 2 monsters more now than ever, in fact, they are starting to develop hallows, I call them my angels
• After a year of deciphering chants, I will be rewarded with useless braincells murdered and developing more useful ones
• Good friends stand by you - with or without meeting - After a year, I will gain a new insight of who my true friends really are

What more can I ask for?

I m looking forward to my next class already. *wink*