Memories

Loads of people often tell me that it is a waste of money to bring children for expensive holidays, cause they will not be able to remember anything.

But I beg to differ.

At my already maturing age, which is ahem, 28, I often have snap flashes of my childhood, and the wierd part is, I can vividly remember how I was feeling.

The moments were not neccessarily vavavoom and super significant of cause.

I remembered waking up from a nap, saw 2 balloons and struggling to grab the both of them before sitting satisfyingly in a corner to play with them.

I remembered getting scolded very badly for one of my birthdays in a strange house and feeling very frightened. i remembered that the cake was white with peanuts at the side.

I remembered the sweet face of my dear ah ma when she was picking out the bean sprouts from the fried bee hoon that we bought from the market cause i hate the taste of it.

I remembered feeling super crazily sad that my mom was heading to work sneakily and was found out. I remembered crying out loud for her to come back while she trotted madly away along the corridor.

I remembered witnessing all the painful things that happened at ah ma's house, so much so that sometimes, i still dream of them in my sleep, even though my grandparents do not stay there anymore.

I believed that all these happened when i was not even 4 or 5 years old.



I want my little ones to have good memories.

I strongly believed that even if they cant remember what happened, they can remember the feelings that they went through

I want the lil ones to be reminded of all the good memories in their childhood.
And I want them to remember me the way I remember ah ma - sweet.

Updates

Time can't help but flies isn't it?

I realised that the last update was made in 2008, Nov.. my mom's birthday!

In a span of a year, much has changed.

• Academic

While I was at the start of a huge struggle with time and sleep in 2008. I managed to scrape through alive. For anyone who is contemplating on furthering their studies, I would say: just do it! The beginning of something only looks forward to the ending. If someone like me who cant manage her time well, who needs her sleep like a baby needs her milk, who is born with lazy blood can do it, what's stopping u?

• Children

Evy and Ethan have grown further. He is turning 5 and she is turning 9. And I m loving them more each day. Their monstrous yellings in the morning (when i m sleeping) which used to make me wanna pull my hair out is slowly sounding like a chirpy alarm. I m thankful for the mornings that they are with me somewhere in the house, in the comfort of my bed.

• Emotions

Thou time flies, much high and low emotions have been experienced in this span of time. Emotions can now be much better suppressed - maybe that's a part of growing up huh? Thou I appreciate the beauty of life, the experience of feeling pain is still very undesirable.

• Friends

Friends have always been a gift for me, throughout my life. i m blessed with beautiful friends all this time round. From Kindergarten friends to Primary.. Secondary.. Poly and work, the dear ones are always there, in good and bad times.

One of my best pals, Peiling, has gotten married and very much pregnant now. Rachel, the other one, has just given birth to a beautiful girl. =) sweet. welcome to the gang.

• Life and Love

I m still loving every bit of life - the goodies and the baddies. The baddies helped to make the goodies look damn good. A job tht makes me complain about only helps to make my weekends so beautiful. The fatique that I felt on a Saturday only shows that I have unwind with friends on a Friday night over a game of mahjong or a night of binge drinking.

The perception of love is still unchanged - it is unconditional.

A Happy Birthday to my Mama!!

(Please hum it in accordance to the infamous tune of the Happy Birthday song)

Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to Mummy..
Happy Birthday to you!!!

(Imagine me, Eddy, Evy and Ethan offering a good round of hugs and kissings and clappings)


The above is the result of the following :

• Improvements in the technology world by leaps and bounds
• Increasing commitments and responsibilities (face to face meetings rare)
• The love for my mother

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My Momsie

Name : My mother - Ang Lay Lian alias Ah Mei (Mei as in younger sister)

Birthdate : 1964 November 10 - Year of the Dragon

Horoscope : Scorpio

Siblings : 6 siblings, and she is child #6

Character

For those who do not believe in Zodiacs and horoscope.. well, you will, after you know my mama. She definitely lives up to her star sign man.

My mom

1. is as mild tempered as the DRAGON. In the days when you cannot pick a gun and shoot someone down as desired anymore, she picks up her weapon pen to pin anyone down that she finds a pain the neck, in the form of snail mails, emails and wadsoever. she just neva let things off.
2. is as merciful as a Scorpion. She will only make you lose your job if are rude to her, slammed by your boss if you make a mistake and make me feel like sleeping in a coffin when I lie to her.

Although the above sounds like they are negative traits.. they are in fact subtle positive traits. During boh bian times, she blows her fire and stings whoever that threatens her loved one - the only fact is that she has quite a number of loved ones, so it always appear like she is blowing her fire and stinging non-stop. (sounds scary huh?)

The lovely side

I m so proud of you, MAMA!!! She can endure hardship, as good as those who went through WWII. She is resilient against tough situations. She is smart and hardworking. She is selfless to those she loves. She has a good listening ear.. that is why everyone loves to call her to complain.. she is an all rounder. She can be tough as a man when she needs to be, and submission as a Japanese wife when required. What more can we ask for?

Sweet 44

44 years of life she has went through and I feel that she has done so well. There are many phases of life that she has walked through and she deserves more than most mothers do.

Beautiful Wishes

I hope that in the coming years, my mom is able to reap what she has sowed. The coming phases of her life is nothing but happiness and laughters and all things good. I hope she is always well rested, healthy and loved.

My gifts for her

Tangible gifts

• The two angels which are also called her grandchildren - They love her as much as I do

Intangible gifts

I have finally understand the meaning of intangible gifts. They are actually far more precious than the ones that can be seen and touched.

• A promise to my momsie that I will be as strong as she is
• I will love life and raise my 2 angels to 2 useful beings, good for society

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Happy Birthday to you Mama.

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Back to school

Mom warned : It is gonna be tough. Rest while you can. If u need help with the kids at any time, ring me.. blah blah blah

Rachel warned : You will have NO life!

The warnings were shrugged off with a smug remark : Can one la.. what's so difficult?? 2,3 times a week nia...

I wished I could take those words back. I m heading for depression man.

3 gruesome weeks has passed and the cruelty of the demanding assignments set in. Time is a precious element, I realised.

Spending 3 hours after 7pm in a class of non-stop chantings of 'I dunno wad the F**K are you talking about' is no joke. Worst of it all, you have to pretend that all is well understood, just like the rest of the class. Painful.

2-3 times a week, I'll faithfully walk my 20 mins walk to the temple-in-disguise marketing school with a well groomed monk waiting to do his thing - chant his chant. #$%^&* To think i paid him more than 10 grand. Pui.

With the evenings burnt, there is barely enough time for re-charging. Ya.. my mom's warning has turned to a reality : It is indeed tough and the word 'rest' is a taboo.

I miss the bed, I miss Ethan's and Evy's complaints. I get dissappointed and helpless when I get home to a dark living room which meant that they are already in bed, I get agitated when I didn't get a good night's rest cause it ll mean a torturing 24 hours ahead. I feel washed out and I give meeting friends a pass cause I d rather spend my limited free time with the family... Rachel is right : YOU WILL HAVE NO LIFE.

no life... no life.. no life...

This is so wrong.. Before I start to weep and lose myself. I have to pick myself up.


I should be glad that :

• I have the golden opportunity to decipher the monk's chants
• I can learn to do time management
• I appreciate the 2 monsters more now than ever, in fact, they are starting to develop hallows, I call them my angels
• After a year of deciphering chants, I will be rewarded with useless braincells murdered and developing more useful ones
• Good friends stand by you - with or without meeting - After a year, I will gain a new insight of who my true friends really are

What more can I ask for?

I m looking forward to my next class already. *wink*

How much do you think a little finger is worth?

You never cherish something til it gets crooked.. yup.. this is what happened to Eddy.

More than a year ago.. due to a minor accident, he thought he has hurt his finger with a sprain.

The next day.. we went to Polyclinic, an x ray was taken and he was told that it should be a hairline fracture AND nothing could be done but to let it heal naturally.

' It will heal on its own.' the smart doctor says. 'we will look at the x ray when it is out and contact you if there is a need. But it is probably just a hairline fracture.'

BULLS**T

Crap do sometimes spill out of the edge of a smart alec.

Days passed, weeks passed, the swell not only not subsides.. it got bigger and bigger. The swelling came from the 1st joint of the little finger. Sinsehs gave ointment.. and religiously, the little finger was rubbed and treated with TLC.

Nobody from Polyclinic comes back with anything. It should be fine.

1 year later and super irritated by the sight of the troubled little finger, a 2nd opinion was decided to be seeked at the Orthopaedic Clinic at Gleneagles.

An instant x ray was done - the little finger was broken. Due to the lack of instant treatment, deformity of the bones occured due to 'self healing'.

Treatment? Operation to correct the bone structure.

I am disappointed with the service and lack of professionalism at our very own local Polyclinic. @#$^&*()

It was a bad experience with them and I dont think I ll ever want to go back there.

And yes, $5000 is the cost - that is how much Eddy's little finger is worth.

****applause****

This is the little finger.. Not thumb.

To Forgive and Forget..

Forgive and Forget..



This verse - is made up of 3 very simple words - So simple that it has been badly abused in usage.



From a friend : 'Aiya, why take it so hard??? Just forgive and forget la!!'



From a teacher : ' Melvin has already apologised. Evon, we must learn to take things easy. Forgive and forget..'




From my dearest Mommy : 'Girl, dun be so angry. Mature up and just learn to forgive and forget.. move on to happiness..'




These 3 words have been so widely preached, so widely used, so.. taken for granted.




I questioned myself sometimes --- Those who have preached like they are saints - how many have successfully practised it?




Forgiving is easy, however bad a situation, as soon as one cools off, we forgive. But the most difficult part - is forgetting it. We are not born with ultra super sonic brain mass but hey, ironically when one gets hurt in an incident, the memories of the FEELINGS of being hurt, is there to stay.

Try asking an old woman about a bad incident that has happened 50 years old, they will say

'I can still remember clearly how ...... ' See?

The reason I am writing this is cause.. I can't practise what was preached. Maybe I am a petty piece of SH*T, maybe I have an ultra super sonic memory.. I really can't get any piece of crap case off my head.

When I bathe, I think. When I am alone, I recall. Before I sleep, I analyse.

!@#$%^&*!!!!! HOW COME IT IS NOT THE CASE WHEN IT COMES TO STUDIES??? I could have been a top student.

To those who practises forgive and forget - Cheers. I supposed you are either a member of the asylum or you are a goldfish in your past life. A goldfish is well known for an ultra short memory - 3 seconds. Yes, all they can remember is what happened a mere 3 seconds ago. Ahem, if you have goldfish as pets and thought that you are fondly recognised as the owner who feeds, I break bad news.

To those who cannot - You are not alone. For a start, me too.

To those who preaches and dun practise - Shut that gap on your face.

Marriages

Recently, my circle of friends are all at the 'marriageable age'.. wedding bells are set ringing pretty constantly. Those that are still single are being nagged on to tie the knot and such.

Marriage is defined as a personal union between 2 people. This union may also be called matrimony, while the ceremony that marks its beginning is called a wedding. It is an instituition where interpersonal relationships are sanctioned with governmental and social recognition - thereby, creating a contract between these 2 persons.

People marry for many different reasons but it is sad to say that it is a social stigma that not being in one at or passed the 'marriageable age' is simply not right. The weak ones who are presurrised will get one partner in a hurry - some men got so stressed, they go the easy way out - buy a bride. Who cares about not understanding a single word each spout? Who cares about compatibility? Who cares about love? This is where the dilemma comes in. It was supposed to be love that spawned the decision of the reunion of the 2 beings... isnt it?

As a little child, I got to witness many failed marriages in the family. It had brought on immerse pains to both parties, sometimes sufferings and worse of it all, the bad effects overspilled into their offsprings. It was hard to understand as a child - those shows about weddings - laughters, excitement, and most important of it all - at the end of it all - it SHOULD spell happiness. But why are the marriages I had witnessed spelt misery and tears and heartaches???

Into my teens, I started to fantasize about what fairytales always play out - The Prince and Princess living happily ever after, drowning in their sea of love.

I was eager to find the love of my life, to love him and be loved in return, to have our own children and bring them love and care, to get old together and stroll the busy parks on weekday afternoons.

I was determined to prove that I will not live what I had witnessed. I was constantly pressing myself to believe that there will be happiness for me, there definitely will be.. and a marriage will be an escape route to my eternal happiness..

I got married at a reasonably young age. And I have learnt many lessons. Marriage is more than just a piece of paper that governs your reunion, it is more than just legitimizing sexual relations.

Marriage is a lot more.

It is about learning to live with an individual who was not part of your life before you know him at all. It is a bet - a heavy stake - which is your life - to a person whom you believed will bring you bliss.

Marriage is not about laughters. Those blissful reunions that fairytales carry are amongst the super minority of the countless marriages that happened each day.

I had learnt that beneath each smile lies a hundred cries. Beneath each tender conversation lies a thousand disagreements. It is all about making big efforts in order to give birth to a happy moment.

Sometimes, I do doubt myself and wonder - Is it really worth it?